Loneliness: the Human Side of Leadership

The other day, I spoke with a friend who said: "I'm surrounded by people all the time, but I still feel lonely." The popular saying "it's lonely at the top" often highlights the sense of isolation that accompanies holding leadership positions.

A study conducted by the Harvard Business Review revealed that "half of CEOs report feeling lonely in their roles, and 61 percent of this group believe it hampers their performance. First-time CEOs are particularly vulnerable to this isolation, with nearly 70 percent of them reporting that these feelings negatively impact their performance."

However, leaders are not the only ones who feel isolated. According to a recent study by the Barna Group, "one-third of U.S. adults reported feeling lonely at least some part of each day, and over half experienced loneliness at least once a week."

There are several reasons why individuals in leadership positions may experience loneliness, and this feeling tends to increase as their level of leadership and influence grows. While many people excel at offering hindsight opinions and playing Monday morning quarterback, the reality is that most individuals are not in leadership positions and have little understanding of what leaders really go through. This creates challenges in forming meaningful connections.

Every decision a leader makes impacts others, whether it involves setting the vision for a company or organization, hiring or firing staff, or determining budgets. These decisions directly affect individuals within the organization.

The constant scrutiny adds pressure to appear flawless, discouraging leaders from sharing their vulnerabilities with others. As Brennan Manning aptly said, "Living out of the false self creates a compulsive desire to present a perfect image to the public so that everybody will admire us and nobody will know us."

If you find yourself struggling with loneliness in a leadership role, here are three tips to consider:

1. Find someone at a similar leadership level with whom you can talk. It may be beneficial to seek someone outside your current organization or even from a different field. Developing healthy relationships will benefit everyone you lead.

2. Trust yourself. As a leader, you are often required to make significant decisions based on limited information, and often in complex situations. Remember that you were chosen to lead because of your abilities.

3. Be authentic. People follow your lead. Create an environment of trust and openness by being an authentic leader who acknowledges mistakes and encourages your team to do the same.

Leadership doesn't have to be a lonely journey. While it may seem like isolation is the only option, prioritizing real relationships can change that perception. Building genuine connections will require investing your time, vulnerability, and potentially even financial resources.

As a leader, you are worth investing in on a personal level because it will positively impact every aspect of your leadership, both at work and at home.

Links to the articles referenced above:

Barna Article

Harvard Business Review